my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
