I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
