you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
even my farts smell like vagina
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
