I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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