I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
