I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
