i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
