Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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