i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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