They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
