tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
