3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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