I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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