life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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