neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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