You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
