you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
