1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
