I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
