thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
