I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
