How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
