he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
