Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
