Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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