we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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