First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
