I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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