hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
