I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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