Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
