capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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