I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
