You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
