i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You are a genius and a whore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
