Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
