So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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