So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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