I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
