so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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