Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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