Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
