So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
