it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
