Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
