my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
