why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
