making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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