life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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