he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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